I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize