That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
