I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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