the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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