some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
