My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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