i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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