she looked like the before picture.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you are never too drunk for berry picking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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