When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
