I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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