I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize