At least make sure they are 18
Why
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
