then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
