nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
