Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
