Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
