The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
