I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
