You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize