Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
