I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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