If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
