Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
