hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
