I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
