i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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