You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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