WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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