woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
