Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
