I will die if light touches me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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