I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
