You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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