I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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