Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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