if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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