i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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