um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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