The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
