i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
