i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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