I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
