Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
