my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
