Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize