whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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