he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
