I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
