just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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