I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I've blown a few things in my day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
