I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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