More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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