Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
