he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize