I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
