Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
