He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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