watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Its about making memories worth repressing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
