i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
