I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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