You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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