He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
