i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why is there bacon in the couch?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
