He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
