i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
