4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
