with your own penis?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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