oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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