my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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