I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
