So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there's paper in my vomit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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