my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
