Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
