oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
