i was born a porn star she said
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize