I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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