My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize