i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
