1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize