The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
