you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
