I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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