Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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