He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
3 2 1 whiskey
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
