I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
