If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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