I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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